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Lost It Today. Things Are Just Getting A little Too Depressing & Stressful

I'm not sure where to start with this particular update. Been having an unbelievably bad week. Working on Deepavali week makes it worse and the shit I go through at work doesn't make it an easier. Things have been delayed quite a bit at work to the point that people are being pushed to the limits. Tempers flared and I sort of lost it. I have to say, perhaps I should have handled the situation a lot better but there is a limit to my patience. I don't normally react the way I did but this was an exception. I'm a lot more patient and nicer.

Also the fact that everyone is on a long holiday for Deepavali and me being stuck at work exacerbates the sense of.... loneliness. Pretty depressed about it. It's a personal battle that I have to face from time to time(festive seasons are just so depressing). It's funny that the feeling of loneliness is amplified when I'm with a lot of people(which you might think is contrary to the meaning of loneliness). But this time, it's different.

Not exactly brimming with people(the place I work at) and I would have imagined I have got used to the environment here by now. I get mild depression(I call it the blues) in waves. High's and low's all the time all day. It's not terribly serious to the point I would ever contemplate suicide(I'm not a coward and have more determination than that). But it's still a bit of a chore to face them. I tend to retreat to my mental shell(it's more like a shield) if I ever feel that way(ironically, segregating myself mentally and with others... becoming alone).

I need to break out of this mess. It's affecting my life more prominently than I have expected. Time for plan B. 


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