Skip to main content

Lost It Today. Things Are Just Getting A little Too Depressing & Stressful

I'm not sure where to start with this particular update. Been having an unbelievably bad week. Working on Deepavali week makes it worse and the shit I go through at work doesn't make it an easier. Things have been delayed quite a bit at work to the point that people are being pushed to the limits. Tempers flared and I sort of lost it. I have to say, perhaps I should have handled the situation a lot better but there is a limit to my patience. I don't normally react the way I did but this was an exception. I'm a lot more patient and nicer.

Also the fact that everyone is on a long holiday for Deepavali and me being stuck at work exacerbates the sense of.... loneliness. Pretty depressed about it. It's a personal battle that I have to face from time to time(festive seasons are just so depressing). It's funny that the feeling of loneliness is amplified when I'm with a lot of people(which you might think is contrary to the meaning of loneliness). But this time, it's different.

Not exactly brimming with people(the place I work at) and I would have imagined I have got used to the environment here by now. I get mild depression(I call it the blues) in waves. High's and low's all the time all day. It's not terribly serious to the point I would ever contemplate suicide(I'm not a coward and have more determination than that). But it's still a bit of a chore to face them. I tend to retreat to my mental shell(it's more like a shield) if I ever feel that way(ironically, segregating myself mentally and with others... becoming alone).

I need to break out of this mess. It's affecting my life more prominently than I have expected. Time for plan B. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Homage To Catalonia - Someday I Shall Have Coffee at Huesca

Homage to Catalonia is one of the best(if not the best) wartime accounts from on the the best writer of our times. Serving with the leftist POUM militia(Partido Obrero de Unificación Marxista), Homage to Catalonia captures the optimism and idealism of revolutionary Spain. It then explores the mundaneness of trench warfare, which was more like non warfare. The treachery, living in fear of being outed, street fighting in Barcelona all vividly expressed. Even in the humdrum nature of it all, George Orwell writes a captivating account that manages to share with its readers the horrors and poor conditions of those in the front line and the political backstabbing from those that are far away from the actual fighting. A turbulent history of Spanish history with a huge variety of political entities fighting against fascism and against themselves. Homage to Catalonia ends with the hauntingly prescient paragraph in which Orwell expresses his disdain for his fellow En...
Post a Comment
Read more

The 'Lah' Syndrome - Why lah? Please lah! Don't Lah!

" Why lah ?" a friend inquired with complete terseness. The curt, simple and direct ' Why lah ' cut like a knife and  denotes a measure of bewilderment in the tone of it. I suppose a simpler 'Why?' would have sufficed, but the ' lah ' suffix adds more melodrama where there isn't any. Besides, the ' lah ' has been a staple of Malaysian language inflection for aeons, it is as immovable as a traffic congestion on the Federal Highway. It's not just a Manglish (or an English language) thing too... " Kenapa lah ?" shock, surprise, even a tinge of disappointment. The Malay language is not spared from the ' lah ' contagion. Often used as a suffix that accentuates the dramatic effect of a phrase, ' lah ' could be used in multiple ways: The classic ' Why lah ?' The added for conviction ' Come on lah !' The added for surprise and shock ' WTF lah! ' For added appeal or even being indignant  ...
Post a Comment
Read more

I Baulk At The Word Moderation

The word moderation is often thrown about by politicians and the intelligentsia(it is often the politicians though that receive my ire). Malaysia a land of moderates. Moderate politics, moderate Muslims... moderate policies... moderate society. I find it utterly revolting I say. Before I cause you to cringe in confusion, let me first define the word moderation. From dictionary.com: the quality of being moderate; restraint; avoidance of extremes or excesses; temperance. That's all jolly and well. But the word in Malaysia has been twisted into a sick and perverted joke of itself. A vapid excuse for inaction and mediocrity. Let me say that again MEDIOCRITY. Moderation doesn't mean giving way to bullies in for the sake of not 'hurting' their oh so fragile feelings. And it certainly doesn't mean being complacent and satisfied with a placid lifestyle. I've often heard people say way too often and rather glibly that they are a moderate. Which essentially transl...
Post a Comment
Read more